Thursday, August 4, 2011

How To Garden in Arizona

It's really not all that hard.
I shall show you.
And tell you.
And you will learn.
And you may partake of my wisdom.

1)  Plant flowers in pots with plenty of yummy,
     nutrient rich potting soil.
2)  Use Miracle Grow once every two months.
3)  Water shaded flowers once a day.
4)  Flowers in the full sun need to be watered
     once in the morning and once at night.
5)  Sit back and bask in the fruits of your labor.

Feel free to contact me for any advice
regarding your gardening needs.

Holly
xxx-ooo

32 comments:

Lucy said...

Look just like mine! Every year I've always pulled those little aliens up into the shelter from the sun and babied them 24/7. They still looked like these.

Maybe they are supposed to.

This year I told them they could just sit in the sun then and go to hell.

They did.

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Looks about right for August, even in Philly:@)

Bev said...

That absolutely cracked me up. Your pictures could be of the plants on our patio right now. I think you forgot the part where you add temperatures that are somewhere in the range of that of the surface of the sun.

laurie said...

go to the Dollar Tree and buy artificial ones,, I think thats the answer,, you can't fight mother nature,, no reflection on you skills,, (I don't think) ha ha ha you are so funny,, you always make me laugh!!!

Linda said...

This is funny!

Dina said...

Glad to know we have the same August brown thumb. It's so hot, I just don't give a crap!

Erika said...

We have similar gardening skills. We should talk about them over a pitcher of sangria, as our plants die. Thots?

Pat MacKenzie said...

My beautiful hanging baskets were reduced to crispy critters within a week of my hanging them up. Nobody told me I had to water them!!!!

just call me jo said...

So clever...I followed your instructions precisely and got equally impressive results. I could also post pictures of dead cactus and palm trees. Same procedure applies minus some of the water.

Bethany said...

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Love it!!!! Just so you know - you could ignore them and get the same result. That's what I usually do :)

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

As always you made me laugh. I figure my August the potting season is over. I still water mine and lots have survived but the can look kind of crummy. I don't plant anything new until fall begins.

Decorating Lady's Humble Abode said...

One suggestion, succulents, spider plants, asparagus ferns, and any bulb plant that returns in the spring time!!! I love flowers as much as the next person, but hate it when they die off and make me look bad. Also, hate the expense of the plants when you know that there just gonna die on you. My varigated spiders die bach in the winter and come back even bigger in the spring time. All of these plants me look like a good gardener. I live in Shasta County Ca. It gets really hot here during the summer time, 105 plus. Gave up on all of those beautiful flowers along time ago. Thanks for laugh Decor. Lady

~Niki~ said...

that's just about right. i planted 4 lantanas (i think that's how i spell that) out in the backyard in our planter. NONE of them grew. they all shriveled up. 2 were in partial shade. one in full shade. the other in full sun. NOT ONE! i really need to take these back to lowe's for my $, at least they refund it! and we planted a garden a year ago~um, we won't even get into that one!

Linda said...

So sad...but I think mine would all look like that if were as hot as it is there...

Ann said...

Oh those pictures of your dried up plants just made my day! So we're not the only ones here in Havasu that can't grow flowers that stay alive more than a few days. We had such lush flowers in Tucson but here it's a lost cause. Even the flowers at the garden spots in Home Depot and Lowe's don't look inviting (if there are any, I think they are on hidden life support of some kind). Fall is coming? Right?

Melynda said...

the bleeding heart is looking like that, of course I don't water. The price of water is through the roof here, so only edibles get the gold!

A Vintage Green said...

Really funny, likely too true in many too hot places.

When my Dad blogs he emails what he wrote and I put it on his blog. Works for both of us. Thanks for visiting me today.

- Joy

deb said...

omggggggg so funny!!!! I mean..not really funny...........but kinda real funny!!!!!

Amy said...

Love it!!!

Genn said...

LMAO Holly!
I love that I laugh every time I read your blog!
My crazy Aunt Holly!!! :)

Now I need to go eat cookie dough.
Thanks a lot for that.

Chatty Crone said...

YOU HAVE MY BLACK THUMB!

Nancy said...

Hilarious! Since we're in a heat wave down here in Louisiana right now...temps over 100 every day...I scrolled down eagerly to see what kinds of flowers survive the Arizona heat...and literally laughed out loud. Thanks for taking the time to entertain us! :-D

Beth @ Dirty Laundry said...

Ha! Mine look like that in Pennsylvania this year...the heat has been bad. But...maybe you can have gorgeous flowers in winter when we are staring out our windows at the snow???

jenny said...

no wonder we are such kindred spirits... we are co-plant killers!!! (And.... please refrain from eating my children when we come to visit. wink.) (I try not to eat them most days too.)

Speedy Lady said...

Did you steal my plants? ha ha Seriously, my plants look the same. Maybe I'll post a pic on my blog. Thank you for stopping by to check in on me, how SWEET! Now that's what I call Hoosier Hospitality!

lifeinredshoes said...

And here I thought you were serious! The pics don't lie :(

Tabitha said...

Amazing how similar that is to gardening in West Virginia. lol

frayedattheedge said...

Hi Holly, just found you via Pat MacKenzie (we've bonded as that is my maiden name and she spells it the proper way!!). Anyway, I've been reading back through your posts and I'm still chuckling. On the subject of renaming people, our son has a whole catalogue of names - I only call him by his given name in front of his front so as not to embarass him!! Regards from the very wet, but still glorious, Scottish Borders
Regards Anne

Cheryl Ann said...

Oh, my~ I thought you were serious until I saw your photos! HA~My family (both sides) were farmers and I've inherited the knack, EXCEPT for houseplants and roses!!!! I've killed every one of them I've ever had! My grandfathers would be ashamed of me!

Whosyergurl said...

oh. my. mercy!
}}GIGGLE{{
xo, Cheryl

Jan said...

snort.....snort.....snort

I FULLY understand now that I have stepped foot onto the sun!

You could have a PBS show on gardening, girl!

janece said...

Those steps also work with the same effect in Utah....just sayin' come look at my porch!