Friday, May 27, 2011

Crack Hoes Cannot Be Trusted!!!!

I am so alone.
Oh, yes, I used to have friends.
Friends who confided in me.
Told me their secrets.
Shared their inner most thoughts.
Their fears, dreams, and sorrows.

That was then.
Before blog fodder.
What is blog fodder, you ask?

1. blog fodder (n)
interesting idea, story, or link.
Referred to as blog fodder when your first reaction is to use it in your blog.

I used to walk into a room full of people and hear,
"Hey Holly, over here!!"
Now, I hear, "Shut up, here she comes."
Suffice it to say, if I happen to have my camera with me, people scatter as though I have the plague.

Let me give an example.  I was talking to a friend the other day and the conversation went something like this:

Holly:  So, what happened?
Friend: If I tell you, you're not going to post it on your blog, right?
Holly:  What?  How could you think I would p
Friend:  I'm serious, you're not, right?
Holly:  Of course I won't post it on
Friend:  Holly!!  I mean it!
Holly:  Fine!   Just don't say anything remotely funny. 

Come on People!
What is wrong with you!
You were NOTHING before I put you on my blog!
You were NO ONE!
Now millions of people laugh at you.
This is the thanks I get?

(Ok, millions might be an overstatement)

But I think you can see where I'm going with this.
It's true.
I can no longer be trusted.
Not with secrets.
Not with family photo albums.
Blog fodder is my crack.
I seek it out.
I will go to the dirtiest darkest places to find it.
I need it.
I'll sell out my family and friends to get it.
I'll lie, cheat and steal.
I only need a little bit to get me through.
I can stop at any time.
I just need one teeny tiny idea.
One tiny glimpse of humor to get the ball rolling.
And then I'm off, my fingers tap- tap- tapping away.
My head thrown back.
Selling my soul.
Taking you all with me.

And if all that fails, I'll make crap up.

I can't be trusted.
Also, my father has grounded me because of yesterdays post and I've been told to return the family photo album.



Lucy (aka rharper) said...

I swear I've had that same conversation at one time or another. I don't have to worry much though. My friends and relatives usually do not read my blog.

And that's okay. :))


Because I could write a book about the relatives.

Melynda said...

Find a good color copier and do the deed before you return the album! Copied fodder is not a bad second choice to most hoes, well that is what I have been told anyway.....

Anonymous said...

you are a NUT ! in a good happy way,, you always make me smile,, even when I don't feel like it,, I find myself wanting to read yours first thing every morning,,

Pink Overalls @DIY Home Staging said...

Okay, now you have me hooked. I've been a follower, but I confess to not reading every post. Not any more. This writing is the best. I'm forwarding to it all my blogger friends. Both of them.

Ashley said...

I loved seeing the fun your parents and all were having. You don't really get to see many pictures of people flat out laughing. Now thanks to you I will be pulling a blog fodder on this laughing matter.

Genn said...

LOL! HOlly you always me me smile!!
SO, how long are you grounded for???
He isn't going to take away your computer is he? :)

Dina said...

cracking up over here, because I have had the exact same conversations. Sometimes things start out as "if I tell you something, will you promise not to blog about it?" seems I can't be trusted either.

just call me jo said...

You are just a hoot! (And I mean that in the best way...) I wish I had friends so I could spread smut about them. Well, I have you, but you have to get up p.r.e.t.t.y early to get ahead of you, Superblogger. What fishing expedition is Brian going on this weekend? I think we're lying low, but I probably don't know what lies in my "fisherman's" heart. Sorry I didn't get back with you on lunch. I have a A/C guy coming between 11-1. (You just can't compete with A/C in the summer.) Plus I was uber depressed yesterday, but I think I'm on the mend now.

Bethany said...

HA!!! I get that too - something funny or awkward will happen and I'll get the "look" followed by "I better not read this on your blog."

Shelia said...

LOL! I love this and I know exactly how it is as one blog ho to another! ;)
Thanks for the advice. I did go and clear my cookies and nothing changed. When I go to sign into my blog - it asks for my email address and their my little password is ********** already like I typed it! Crazy! I'm praying it will all just fix itself!
Be a sweetie and keep going to where no other blogger has been.
shelia ;)

Katherines Corner said...

Holly, you make me this post
I don't do the bloggy thing with friends. But my family is always subject to participation in a post...

Tabitha said...

Good to know. Very good to know. lol

Kris said...

Keep it. Hold it for ransom. Send him a ransom note.....wait it out. DO IT!!!!

Whosyergurl said...

Doug struts like a rooster when I put something positive about him in my blog. BUT if I put something negative (which I usually don't do...) he says "aw, did you hafta put that in your blog?" I say "you live with a writer. Get over it. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!"
Thanks for the invite to your house! Be careful, I might just take you up on it! xo, Cheryl

Tammy said...

Hahaha! I told you he would get you! Love your blog. You always make me laugh. Wish I had the internet so I could keep up. :)