I have a personal trainer.
His name is Geoffrey. Pronounced Joffrey. With a British accent.
He lives in my head.
I made him up.
I don't like him.
He's cruel and full of trickery.
Here was our conversation this morning.
Geoffrey: Eat a banana and then go put on your sports bra.
Me: I'm not working out today.
Geoffrey: Ok, you don't have to but you do need to put on your sports bra under your pajamas.
Geoffrey: Just do it, you don't have to work out but you do need to put on that sports bra.
Me: Fine. Turn around.
Geoffrey: Don't be silly, I'm gay. (handing me the banana)
Me: Wow! Okay. (eating banana and putting on sports bra)
Geoffrey: Ok, now you just need to turn on the Wii Fitness video and get the balance board out.
Me: I thought you said I didn't have to work out.
Geoffrey: You don't, but you do have to turn it on. Go on.
Me: I don't get it but ok.
Geoffrey: Now stand up on the board and press start.
Me: What? I'm not going to...
Geoffrey: Do it. You don't have to work out, you just have to watch it.
Me: You're weird but fine. (Turning on the 10 minute free run)
Geoffrey: Ok GO!! It's starting without you and your going to have a big zero if you don't do this. It will look really bad on your fitness assessment and it will mess up your progress.
Me: I hate you! (working up a sweat)