Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Sky Diving Injury


Know what’s awesome?

Me.

Know what else is awesome?

Diet Coke.

Know what else?

Me drinking Diet Coke.


That has nothing to do with anything.

I have an appointment for my yearly mammogram
but I had to go to the doctor for my breast exam first.

That’s fun.

I always feel the need to apologize to the doctor for my lumpy breasts.
That’s weird, right?
I mean it’s not my fault I have bumps and lumps and stuff in there.

I honestly don’t know how he can tell what he’s feeling in there anyway.

It’s kinda like frisking the comforter to try to find your panties
in your bed after you've already made it. 

Or something like that.

That doesn't have anything to do with anything either.

So, I went to the doctor and told him that I had injured my arms gardening.
He thought it was probably my neck causing my arm pain.
So he did an xray and sent me to Sports Medicine.
And know what?

Apparently,
I fractured my neck.
No need to read that again,
I'll repeat it.

I fractured my neck!!

I have two stress fractures in my neck.
And the worse part is
 I was supposed to meet Jo for lunch tomorrow
and now I have to cancel
because I'm on muscle relaxers
and I can't drive
and now I can't eat salad and drink Diet Coke with Jo
and make fun of her for another two weeks.

If you know Jo,
that's a long time to go without making fun of her.

Jo says I should tell you all that I injured my neck sky diving,
not gardening.
But I'm not ashamed.
Gardening is dangerous work.
Dirt is heavy.
And so is steer poop.

So that's enough of that.
Let's look at some pretty flowers.

I bought some tulips and planted them in a
Goodwill container yesterday.
Tulips are my favorite flower.

In case you wanted to send me flowers.


Some people don't like to send flowers
so I thought I'd let you know that I like Milk Duds and Lasagna too
in case you want to send either of those.

I will start taking the muscle relaxers tomorrow
and I can't tell you what will happen on this blog
for the next few days.

I may forget I have a blog or I may post naked pictures of myself
if the muscle relaxers are really good.
Let's just go with it and see what happens.

xxxooo

Holly

14 comments:

♥ Sonny ♥ said...

get well soon.. those tulips are so pretty.

RoeH said...

This was a . . . . . v.e.r.y interesting post. When will the naked post be ready to read? I'm waiting in pins and needles for that.

Muscle relaxers are a gift from the Universe. When I'm floating three feet above the bed, all is wonderful and there are no problems. I say get in the saddle and drive to the lunch. Jo won't mind.

Denise Z. said...

Are you sure you haven't started taking those painkillers? 'Cuz I almost peed my pants reading your post--frisking the comforter, LOL! When I separated my shoulder stacking firewood (boring, right?) I told people "Bar fight" when they asked what happened. Much better. Skydiving's good, too! Hope you're feeling better soon!!! (and I can't wait to read your painkiller-taking posts!) ;)

Lisa Tucker said...

Girl!! I can't imagine what you will be like when you take those muscle relaxers....you had me laughing out loud all throughout your post. Now, seriously, I'm sorry about your neck...:( Please don't forget to post WHILE you are on pain meds...K?...K!

Cottage Dreaming and Flea Market Wishes said...

OMG you are too funny!! Sorry bout your neck...but the meds will get you better soon I'm sure...

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

Holy cow I am not even going to ask how the heck you did that.

Bethany said...

I would totally love a post written by you on meds :)

Kris said...

Ummmm, fishing for your panties in the bed? Why did they come off? Hmmmmm????
Well, I am glad to hear you weren't sky diving! I totally understand how you could hurt your neck gardening! I get hurt working in the yard all the time! In all seriousness though Holly, what a bummer! I hope you feel better soon! I LOVE the tulips in the GW planter!!! Gotta know how the green beans turned out????? You take care of you...you hear? If I were there, I would bring you milk duds, flowers, and lasagna!!! And diet coke!!!'Love ya,
Kris

Ashley said...

Make a video! You should totally do it once the muscle relaxers kick in. Maybe you would do something hilarious again like choke on your own spit.

Jan said...

WHAT??????

I repeat....WHAT????

yippers, that makes me skeered to garden now.....

Pain pills make me stupid, so hope that doesn't happen to you.

Melynda and Terry, we are the Browns! said...

You are doing the best stuff at this new house, except that sky diving accident. Love the tulips. I didn't even know that you could sky dive, when did you take that up? What right after you bought the house, Oh yeah I know to celebrate buying the house......

Willow said...

Oh Holly, Sometimes people are their funniest when they are ailing ...perhaps its the grin and bear it attitude lol I sincerely hope you feel better soon ...and the post was hilarious ...not the neck fracture, but the content! ;)

just call me jo said...

WTF? I posted a marvelous comment about your drug addiction, your mammomas, etc. I give up. I hope you feel better soon. You're very creative when injured.

lifeinredshoes said...

Panties under the comforter?! OMH, made my day. Well that and holding my sweet babies :)
I feel bad about you and Jo not meeting up for lunch, even more sorry that I won't be there either!
PITY PARTY!!!

P.S. I have lumpy boobs too ;)