Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Priceless Information Just for You

There are many things that I learned
I will tell you these things
because I am now an expert
in home photography.

How to Do Your Own Home Tour

1)  Clean your house as well as possible
      because people will notice the stain on your kitchen wall
      next to the trash can where you tried to get a
      3 point shot with that can of tomatoes.

2)  Hoping to get one good photo, randomly start taking
     100's of pictures in every single mode your camera has
     including manual, automatic, TV, AV and A-Dep
     even though you have no idea what those mean.

3)  Load the pictures onto your computer and then start to
     edit them in Picasa/Picnik.

4)  Delete the one where your dog is on the couch licking her
     lady parts.

5)  While editing the photo of your school desk,
      notice something strange on the carpet in the photo. 

6)  Go into living room to check it out and notice
      that there is a pile of cat vomit laying there.
      And you took a picture of it.

7)  Wonder if you can just crop the vomit
      out of the picture and carry on.

8)  Clean up the cat vomit.

9)  Wonder how long the vomit has been there.

10)  Wonder if you should be mad at your husband
        since you're pretty sure he saw it and walked past it.

11)  Take another picture of the desk without the vomit.

12)  Post pictures on your blog making people think
       that your couch is not covered in dog hair
       and your carpet does not smell like cat vomit.
Home tours are an illusion.
No one lives in a clean house.
If they do, I don't want to know them.

Now, go and give it a try.



Andrea said...

That is hilarious! Good tips. Sounds about like my photo sessions.

Anonymous said...

hey don't ruin my illusion! I told my husband how beautiful and clean your house was and just what slobs we are!!Living with cat vomit and dog hair goes with the territory,, at leats you keep it real Holly you never disappoint,,have a great day OK,,

just call me jo said...

I'm so relieved. I was worried that you lived in absolute flawless splendor. We have Lola vomit instead of cat vomit, but-eh-it's similar. Vomit is vomit! Whew! Now I can continue to love and adore you. I was afraid for a second you were waaay too good for me.

Genn said...

cat vomit... hilarious!
so did you get mad at brian? ;)

and did someone really mention something about a stain on your wall????

Bethany said...

WHAT is it with guys and walking past that stuff? My dad does it to my mom all the time: "Charlie got sick in the living room. Near the rocking chair." In some homes that is purely FYI as some men will clean messes; with my dad it's passive-aggressive "can you clean it because I"m not?" behavior. Glad to see that it's universal :)

Ashley said...

Looking at your house yesterday I was wondering how long it took you to clean it and put everything in it's place. I too have a husband that will walk right by the cat throw up because it is "my" cat. Funny because there also "my" dog and "my" daughter. When do I get to say they are just his? Never. Done with my comment gone rant. Thank you very much for listening!

Whosyergurl said...

OMG, Holly, you crack me up. Every time I start to take a picture for my blog I look through the view finder and think "wait" then I move the pile of newspapers, remove the cat off of the kitchen table from beside whatever it is that I just made and I'm featuring on my blog...and I don't want people to think my cat is on my kitchen table all of the time.
Nope, no cat barf or dog or cat hair male underpants laying in the floor...not three pairs of his shoes...not my house.
xo, Cheryl

Melynda said...

I love love love your home tour. I think it would be fun for everyone to do this, because we don't all live close by, yet the friendships have developed and this would be a way to "visit" and get to know each other better!

Chatty Crone said...

Love those tips - think I;ll go down and start with number one. sandie

Anonymous said...

LOL Luvd this! Thanks for the home tour!!

Ann said...

What a hoot! Reality at its best.

Anonymous said...

We recently looked at a house-for-sale schedule online (don't know why, we're not moving!) The carpets were covered in dog hair, the beds were unmade, there were cat feeding dishes on the kitchen worktops - not exactly encouraging people to go view!!

Anonymous said...

You have now spoiled the illusion that you're perfect. I'm crushed.

Hope the cat is better....ech


We have two cats. My husband never cleans up the vomit. He'll walk around it a million times. Tells me it's easier to do when it's been dry for a couple weeks. But in all honesty, I never accidently took a photo of it. THE HORROR. Thoroughly enjoyed your house tour tips. Made me smile.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I think you're an expert at home tours, this was hilarious!

A Vintage Green said...

Laughing out loud.

Love your post.

- Joy

Linda said...

I think all men walk past anything they don't WANT to see!! You are a hoot!!

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

You did great! This is why all you ever see on my blog are goodies on the kitchen table:@)

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

Oh my God you are so funny. I take so many bad shots and have no clue how to figure out what I am doing with my own camera.

deb said...

lololol.......Im sooooo guilty of taking pics with things in them that shouldnt be,,,,lololol...thanks for the laugh!!!

Pat MacKenzie said...

I loved your house tour entry and now this how-to one makes it even more 'real'. If mine ever gets that clean I'll take pictures of it for my own house tour. Except I'll leave out the cat vomit!

Betsy said...

Oh my gosh, I'm sitting here holding my sides with tears running down my face, I'm laughing so hard! So good to know that other people have cat vomit (we won't talk about my old dog and what he leaves us) on their floor. And husbands who just walk by it and pretend they don't see it! This post just made my evening. I needed a a good laugh--thanks for sharing your home tour with us. I know I'd feel comfortable there.