Reasons Why My Husband Should Cut His Losses and Divorce Me Now

We've had a good run.

Married seven and a half years.

Had some great times together.

I'm going to miss him.

If you've been following me on Facebook,

you already know that in addition to deciding I needed new flooring,

I decided that I should get new baseboards.

Then on Saturday morning I woke up and thought,

NEW PAINT!!!

Let's paint the house while we are at it.

And it seemed like such a wise decision since

we had no furniture in the house.

You're all with me, right?

RIGHT?

So on Sunday morning I sent my darling husband off to

Home Depot to buy 5 gallons of Behr Wheat Bread.

I knew I would love the color because I have Chocolate Froth, 

which is the next color up on the paint strip, in the bedroom

and it is such a pretty taupey tan.

Here are some pics from the www of Behr Wheat Bread.

 

So all day Saturday, my husband taped off all the crown molding

and all the windows while I painted my ass off.

(I wish)

We painted well into the evening and even my

dear sweet Sally 

(best friend/step mommy)

came and helped.

When Sally walked in the door and saw the paint color,

her face just dropped.

I wondered if she was having a mini stroke.

Nope, she knew.

She knew that I had done something really stupid.

And I should have known that look because 

I do a lot of really stupid things.

I just kept painting, hoping that the color would change as it dried.

Sally, bless her heart,

helped me slap that miserable color on the wall.

Because that's what friends do.

They make you feel less stupid by acting as though

they, themselves, are also stupid.

And the color didn't get any better.

It was blue.

Gray blue.

Very gray blue.

I figured I would sleep on it and the color would magically

change into the most amazing decision of my life.

It didn't.

Apparently, I live in some reverse color wheel twilight zone universe.

I can't get a good picture of it with my iphone
but it looks like this.

So after Brian left for work,

my tile layer, Phillip, came and starting laying my pretty tile.

And the walls got worse.

Like a thousand times worse.

Even Phillips said,

"Um, why did you paint you walls this color?"

And my daughter Katie came over after I called her

and stated how awful it was.

And so I fretted all day long about how I was

going to tell Brian that we needed to repaint.

Sally came over and I made her tell me what to do.

Because Sally knows everything.

She will deny this because she likes to keep 

her wisdomy super powers undercover.

Buts she always makes the right decisions,

the first time.

And she brought me paint samples

from home and a slapped them on the wall,

and we found the perfect color

that looks great with the counter tops,

the cabinets and the flooring.

And then I told Brian.

And you know what,

he didn't really care.

He just said that he was never taping 

anything off for me ever again,

and I thought that was a fair trade since 

I really thought I deserved a good beating.
Did I mention that Brian is colorblind?
I'm not kidding, he really is.

So......

Now I am hiring a painter.

And in addition to the walls, he is going

to paint the ceiling and the baseboards.

Because I am done!

So I am making a vow.

I am never making another decision again.

Sally will make all my decisions for me.

And I will always listen to my husband.

And I will not spend any more money.

Ever.

However, I do have to wonder how my old furniture will look

next to all my new flooring and paint.

xxx-ooo

Holly