Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Reasons Why My Husband Should Cut His Losses and Divorce Me Now

We've had a good run.
Married seven and a half years.
Had some great times together.
I'm going to miss him.

If you've been following me on Facebook,
you already know that in addition to deciding I needed new flooring,
I decided that I should get new baseboards.

Then on Saturday morning I woke up and thought,
Let's paint the house while we are at it.
And it seemed like such a wise decision since
we had no furniture in the house.
You're all with me, right?

So on Sunday morning I sent my darling husband off to
Home Depot to buy 5 gallons of Behr Wheat Bread.
I knew I would love the color because I have Chocolate Froth, 
which is the next color up on the paint strip, in the bedroom
and it is such a pretty taupey tan.

Here are some pics from the www of Behr Wheat Bread.

So all day Saturday, my husband taped off all the crown molding
and all the windows while I painted my ass off.
(I wish)
We painted well into the evening and even my
dear sweet Sally 
(best friend/step mommy)
came and helped.

When Sally walked in the door and saw the paint color,
her face just dropped.
I wondered if she was having a mini stroke.
Nope, she knew.
She knew that I had done something really stupid.
And I should have known that look because 
I do a lot of really stupid things.

I just kept painting, hoping that the color would change as it dried.
Sally, bless her heart,
helped me slap that miserable color on the wall.
Because that's what friends do.
They make you feel less stupid by acting as though
they, themselves, are also stupid.

And the color didn't get any better.
It was blue.
Gray blue.
Very gray blue.
I figured I would sleep on it and the color would magically
change into the most amazing decision of my life.

It didn't.

Apparently, I live in some reverse color wheel twilight zone universe.

I can't get a good picture of it with my iphone
but it looks like this.

So after Brian left for work,
my tile layer, Phillip, came and starting laying my pretty tile.
And the walls got worse.
Like a thousand times worse.

Even Phillips said,
"Um, why did you paint you walls this color?"
And my daughter Katie came over after I called her
and stated how awful it was.
And so I fretted all day long about how I was
going to tell Brian that we needed to repaint.

Sally came over and I made her tell me what to do.
Because Sally knows everything.
She will deny this because she likes to keep 
her wisdomy super powers undercover.
Buts she always makes the right decisions,
the first time.
And she brought me paint samples
from home and a slapped them on the wall,
and we found the perfect color
that looks great with the counter tops,
the cabinets and the flooring.

And then I told Brian.

And you know what,
he didn't really care.
He just said that he was never taping 
anything off for me ever again,
and I thought that was a fair trade since 
I really thought I deserved a good beating.
Did I mention that Brian is colorblind?
I'm not kidding, he really is.

Now I am hiring a painter.
And in addition to the walls, he is going
to paint the ceiling and the baseboards.
Because I am done!

So I am making a vow.
I am never making another decision again.
Sally will make all my decisions for me.
And I will always listen to my husband.
And I will not spend any more money.

However, I do have to wonder how my old furniture will look
next to all my new flooring and paint.



LALA said...

lol!!! Brian loves you too much to divorce you, 'sides he would have to pay "paint-imony"!!! Question: WHICH color was it?? was it ship color? Sky color? Sea color??? just askin'!

Linda said...

You are so funny! I had to paint 3 rooms in the house once because I got a new(old) dining set and chairs and it clashed with the walls...so I changed the walls...which led to change the ceilings...which led to new crown in the kitchen...I'm there for you!! That's why I have decided those little sample cans are great! Have a wonderful day!!

Lisa Tucker said...

Haha!! He would never!! My husband says that our living room is 100 sq ft larger until I added many, many paint layers...:) It was smart to go ahead and change it...I would have lived with it and been miserable and would have said "welcome to the battleship" as people entered. Smart girl...:) Can't wait to see the "new" fabulous home! :)


Humor gets us through. The paint mishap... it happens to the best of us. Now that the correction will be made, you can breathe a sigh of relief. When you're happy, so will your hubby be.

Tammy said...

Love this post!

life in red shoes said...

I despise painting, I'm not good at it, we are a match made in hell. In my next life I will have enough money to hire a painter.
I too agonize over color! I finally let Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware call the shots, that's why they get the big bucks.

Kartika dwi sari said...
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