Hoosier at Heart

When Mormons Attack

2012-02-01T14:43:00.000-08:00

I met these strange people for lunch today.

Laraine, Me, Jo, and Roe.

"Hey Waitress with the massive quantity of eyeliner!

Four Diet Cokes over here please and keep them coming!"

These women are a hoot to be around.

We laughed all through lunch.

We took several pictures.

We decided to be cute in one of them.

Sexy in another.

Flirtatious in another one.

Not sure which shot that above photo was

but Jo was all three at once.

Don't you agree?

At one point, these three women started talking about Wards

and other Mormon terms that I wasn't familiar with.

I started singing,

One of these things is not like the others,

One of these things just doesn't belong!"

It was Laraine's first time meeting bloggers.

I hope we didn't scare her off.

We loved her.

She is much smarter than I but didn't make me feel bad about it.

Roe had us cracking up telling us a story

about the crazy old woman who lives next door to her

and believes that Roe is trying to kill her with

the wood chips in her front yard.

I so hope Jo and I didn't scare them off.

We tend to do that.

Jo came home with me and met Brian who was

made to suffer from our lunch out

by having to make his own bologna sandwiches for lunch.

He survived.

Let's do this next month!!

What do you say?

Holly

xxx-ooo

Right Now

2012-01-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

Please forgive me for the random pictures.

I'm still figuring out my camera situation.

Right now I’m loving... the smell of my pineapple cilantro candle.

Sounds strange but oh so good.

Right now I’m reading...Dawn on a Distant Shore by Sara Donati.

Loved the first one in her series too!

Right now I’m waiting for... the sun to come up

so I can start cleaning the carpet in the guest bedroom.

Right now I’m excited about...

Heading out to look for lamps at the thrift store.

Right now I’m missing...

my mom, as always.

Right now I’m trying... to stop drinking so much coffee

so I don’t have to pee so often.

Right now I’m enjoying... watching reruns of

“The New Adventures of Old Christine”. I just love her!

Right now I’m snacking on...

an apple with reduced fat peanut butter slathered all over it.

Right now I’m using... Exuviance liquid foundation from Ulta.

The Bare Minerals were just too drying for my oldish skin.

It's very light but gives me the coverage that I need.

Right now I’m wearing... A long sleeve thin gray t-shirt

with a sweatshirt over it,my snowman pajama bottoms

and moccasins. Yup, I’m a hot mess.

Right now I’m planning...what to do when my sister gets here

from Florida in March! Woo Hoo!!

Right now I’m needing... a new bra.

You know how I hate bra shopping too!

Right now I’m learning... that sarcasm is not cute.

Not that I could stop it even if I wanted to.

Right now I’m listening to...

Good Morning Arizona in the background. So much violence.

Right now I’m wishing...

I were losing weight more quickly.

Right now I’m praying for...my Dad’s health.

He’s dealing with quite a bit of pain right now.

Right now I’m dreaming of...

going on another Alaskan cruise. It’s been too long!

What are you doing right now?

Holly

Hating Blogger And Sausages

2012-01-19T15:18:00.000-08:00

If you use Blogger, I can't see you.

I can see you in my Google Reader.

And I can read you in my Google Reader.

But I can't open your post.

And I can't comment.

And you know I have Oh So Much to say to you!

And Blogger is making me log in every two or three minutes.

There are very few things that I hate more than logging in.

Vienna sausages are one of those things.

Getting into a cold bed is another.

But this isn't about cold beds.

This is about my right to stay logged in

and to read your posts.

And to comment.

And a little about sausages.

But mostly about Blogger.

Should I switch to Wordpress?

I'm askeered.

I used to get on my Google Reader

every morning and see about 10 new posts.

This morning it said there were 257 unread posts.

I don't follow any of those people either.

No idea where they came from.

Is anyone else having these problems?

Please know that I am reading you.

But without being able to comment,

I feel like a Peeping Thomasina.

Somebody do something!

Holly

Love and Crisco

2012-01-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

I've been a horrible blog poster.

My daughter needed her camera back

and I can't find the cord

for my poor little camera

so I can't download any pics.

You know how I hate to post without pictures.

So I will be posting random pictures

for your viewing pleasure.

(Like this one)
Stolen from the interwebs.
No idea who that is.

Today is our 5th Anniversary.
We are planning a day of
lunch at Applebees
(Oriental Chicken salad for me)
A movie,
(either War Horse or Joyful Noise)
and

Wait for it......

A trip to Sprouts.
I love Sprouts.
Fresh fruits and veggies and turkey cutlets
and Popchips and Greek Yogurt.

I know!

I am assuming that I am your most
exciting friend right now.

But seriously, I am so happy to be in
love with this man of mine.
Happy Anniversary Bubby!

(Not my cat)

I've been doing Weight Watchers
since the first of the year.
I have a girl crush on Jennifer Hudson.
Have you seen her?
Man, oh man!
Now that's a real woman's body.

(Notice how that pictures relates to my story?)

I'm loving the WW program.
It's so easy to follow.
At my last weigh in on Wednesday I had lost 4.5 lbs.
I wasn't super excited about my weight loss
until I realized that this was equivalent to
one and a half large cans of Crisco.

(Another relevant picture)

That puts it into perspective for me.

Ohhh, those peanut butter cookies on that can of Crisco
look really good, don't they?

My daughter Katie has moved out and is living
with a girlfriend.
I'm really trying not to take this personally.
I miss the heck out of her but she seems to be
having a great time and is settling in nicely.
Her place is just so cute.
And I am so proud of her.
She's all grown up just like her Momma.

(I don't know what that spot is on my neck,
I don't have a mole there, it's probably a chocolate chip.)

The other news is that she has a wonderful man in her life.
She's known him since high school.
I love the heck out of this kid.
He's in the Marines and has been stationed in California
since he got back from Afghanistan.

Don't you just want to squeeze him?

He's all "Yes Ma'am this, and "Yes Ma'am that".

One last thing,

Daddy is on another round of chemo and it's hitting him pretty hard.

Please pray for him if you will.

And that's all I've got.

xxx-ooo

Holly

Pooped

2012-01-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

This has been the longest day of my life.

I'm exhausted and my back is killing me.

But I'm happy.

I am going to show you some pictures now.

And they are ugly so hold on to your girdles.

I have been living in the ugliest office space in the world.

I work from home and

I spend at least 8 hours a day in this room.

And I have lived with it like this for the past two years!

I've been searching for the right pieces for months.

And I finally got it all together.

Here is my office before.

I know!!!!

Can you believe I lasted two years?

Remember my lovely chair makeover that I did here?

Believe it or not, it's still here.

Anyhoo,

I'd had enough.

I found some wood file cabinets

on Craigslist two months ago

and I sanded them and painted them white.

And they sat like that in my garage for a month.

I couldn't decide what to use for the desk top

until I found the perfect one at IKEA.

My dear sweet man took me there after work yesterday

and we grabbed two desktops.

And they were the perfect size!

So this morning I got up,

ate breakfast,

and got to work on these bad boys.

It's still not finished.

I still need to find two chairs.

But so far I'm happy with the results.

I'm having trouble getting good pictures with my camera.

Maybe it's the light.

Probably it's me.

I have so much storage now.

I have 12 drawers.

That's 12 more drawers than I had before!

I have my work computer set up on the right

and my home computer on the left.

I can't believe the space I have.

And I have plenty of room for my crafts now.

I still have a few more things that need to be done

but that's all I've got for today.

I'm pooped!

Thanks for checking in.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Good Riddance

2012-01-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

Oh 2011, you were a difficult year for me.

I won’t miss you.

I didn’t like you from the get go.

There were some great things you did give me.

A trip to Ruidoso.

A trip to California.

Making new Blog friends.

All good things.

But there were some icky things about last year too.

And I don’t care to repeat them.

So I won’t.

Nuff said.

The New Year brings me hope.

Weight Watchers.

Better, healthy relationships with friends and family.

A boob lift.

Possibly doing some volunteer work.

Did you see that up there?

You know I’m just kidding.

I would never do that.

Because I just don’t have time to volunteer.

Right now I’m sitting here enjoying a cup of strong coffee.

Our dog cried all night because of the fireworks.

I think we slept 3 hours last night.

I was so tired of the whining at 2:00 am.

I think I may have cried a little.

The holidays have worn me out.

I’m ready to get back on a normal schedule.

Find my routine.

Looking forward to this New Year.

With higher hopes.

And higher boobs.

xxx-ooo

Holly

The Post Where I Tell You I'm Not Dead

2011-12-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

Bet ya’ll thought I was dead, huh?

Well, Merry Christmas and call me Lazarus.

In the true spirit of Christmas and all things Holy,

please excuse my absenteeism.

I have no real excuse other than I just didn’t feel like blogging.

And when I set my mind to not doing something,

I am a freight train;

there is no stopping me from not starting something.

I was unstoppable in my not blogging.

This attribute of mine goes well beyond my ability to hold out on blogging.

I’ve been known to be steadfast in my not doing many things.

Like Showering.

Since the invention of dry shampoo and Febreeze, is it really all that necessary?

And Dieting.

You should see my ability to not diet, it’s unparalleled.

And Exercising.

My butt shaped couch cushion can attest to this.

But I am back.

And life is grand.

And Christmas is right around the corner.

Did you know that?

I feel a certain responsibility as a blogger to let you all know that.

We’re having a nice quiet, stress less Christmas around here.

The shopping is done.

The gifts have been wrapped.

Christmas dinner will be easy and almost everything can be prepared ahead of time.

My Christmas gift this year is that my Dad and Sally will be with me.

I can’t remember the last time we spent Christmas together.

They have moved back from New Mexico to the Phoenix area.

My all-time favorite brother Jon will be here too.

He’s my only brother but if I had 237 brothers he would still be my favorite.

But if I had 238 brothers, it would be a tough decision.

I love him because I get to make fun of him.

And he chases me.

And I scream.

And he sits on me and tickles me.

Yes, I am 46 years old.

And of course my beautiful children will be here.

Have a Blessed Christmas!!!

I know I will.

xxx-ooo

Holly

Indiana Love

2011-11-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

It's been forever since I've posted and I have to tell you

that I have some wonderful friends and followers.

People that are emailing me and asking if I'm alive.

If I need antidepressants.

If I've fallen and can't get up.

I'm going to be honest.

This break was awesome!

I took a break from technology.

Or at least as much as possible.

I found more time to do other things.

I got out of the house.

Did you know that there are things going on out there?

Seriously.

There are.

I wanted to show you an amazing gift
I received in the mail yesterday.
I can barely write about it without crying.
Because I'm a huge baby.

Look and tell me what you see.

I see home.

Those of you that know me at all
know that I love and miss Indiana.
This time of year is especially difficult for me.
I live in Phoenix now.
We don't have changing leaves.
We barely have changing seasons.

I went to the mailbox yesterday,
brought in a large package.
Filled with leaves, acorns, and fossils.
LEAVES!
And they smell like leaves too.

If you live anywhere near these things,
you are now thinking that I have completely lost my mind.
And I probably have.
But I am so darned happy!

Cheryl over at Whosyergirl (get it? Hoosier girl)
sent me this package of autumn loveliness from Indiana.
She also sent me some of the cutest
handmade paper craft goodies.

I love each and every little thing.

Another thing she sent me was a magazine.

Cheryl is a published author.

She writes articles for this magazine from time to time.

In this particular edition,

she wrote about blogging.

And she even mentioned me in the article.

So I'm sort of famous now.

Which kind of explains why I've been on the down low.
In hiding.
In my big sunglasses.

I'm back in the blogging world.
I may not post as often
but I missed ya'll so much.

Holly
xxx-ooo

Break

2011-10-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from blogging for a little bit.

Not sure how long.

There are some things around here that

I'm trying to work out in my head

and I need to take a break and give up some computer time.

All is well and I plan to be back soon.

Love you all.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Wonderful Wednesday

2011-10-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Can we talk about this here empty cup?

I love Yoppi Frozen Yogurt.

I had the fat-free

sugar-free

boysenberry with fresh

raspberries and strawberries.

It was delightful.

I ate the whole thing an hour ago.

I'm ready for another please.

On another note,

I won something.

Dina blogs over at

Five Cats From Crazy.

I love the name of her blog.

She held a giveaway for digital scrap booking software.

I won it and downloaded it this morning

but haven't had a chance to play with it yet.

Thanks again, Dina.

Winning is so much better than not winning!

Again, on another note,

(there may be many notes)

I'm going through my closet and sorting through

my fall/winter clothes.

And I've come to this revelation.

I have no idea how to dress.

I didn't get the fashion gene.

I don't know how to put an outfit together.

They should do garanimals for the 40 somethings.

Yet another note,

have you seen the weather here in the devil's playground

that we call Phoenix?

Ok, forget what I said

about not having any fashion sense.

I look totally hot in that red dress.

Ok, last note.

I saw a tutorial this morning on this blog.

I had no idea that the box at the top of our blogs

were search boxes for the blogs we are on.

Example:

If you are on my blog and want to find

all the posts where I mention the word "cookies",

then just type in the word "cookies" up there and

it searches my blog and gives you those posts.

All 10,000 cookie posts.

Or if you are looking for the post where I talked

about how to Live in NYC for under $300 a month

then you could just type in "New York"

and all posts with New York in them will pop up.

You probably knew that huh?

Well, I didn't and I can tell you that

I have spent a lot of time searching through archives

on other's blogs looking for something

in particular.

I think I'm now out of notes.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Quiet Weekend

2011-10-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

Not much to report.

We did a little yard work.

The grass thinks winter is on it's way

and has started to turn brown.

Little does it know,

we are back up to 100 degrees later this week.

It's time to clean out the pots

and put them away until spring.

Cleaned out the garage and am finally

ready for my garage sale this weekend.

The rocker and the tool chest aren't for sale

but everything else is.

Major Costco run.

I hate going so I stock up when I do.

Then plopped on the couch to watch NASCAR

with a bowl of this.

Homemade chili on top of Fritos

with plenty of cheese.

Heartburn City.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Holly

xxx-ooo

Crow Tastes Ok with Some Cranberries Thrown In.

2011-10-08T01:47:00.000-07:00

I'm a nice person.

We all know that, right?

I mean, I can practically hear you all saying,

"Oh Holly? Why she's a lovely girl! Such a sweet nature."

You're kinda saying that in your head right now, huh?

So this might be a little hard to believe.

Yesterday,

I was an Ass Head to someone.

And

it was someone I didn't know.

I know, right?

It all started with a phone call.

I got totally riled up.

I felt all hot and sweaty.

I just felt like being a huge idiot.

And I yelled at the State Farm Insurance Dude.

He wasn't even my agent.

We'd never met.

And he was asking perfectly reasonable questions

and I wanted to kill him.

º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºWELCOME MENOPAUSEº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º

And you know what that guy had the nerve to do?

He got nicer.

And I calmed down.

And then I asked him for a quote.

Home, Boat, and Auto.

And he called me back with an amazing deal.

So much better than what we had.

So what do you think I did?

Come on...you know me by now.

What did I do?

I baked him orange cranberry cookies.

Because that's what I do these days.
I bake cookies.

And then I put them in a container

and gave them to him.

And it's all good now.

Holly
xxx-ooo

Yesterday (Dang, that's a creative title!)

2011-10-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

How many times can I talk about cookies

before you stop following me?

Did you know I like cookies?

Did you know my husband likes cookies?

Did you know that I can't stop making them?

Did you know my pants don't fit?

I got out my all time favorite cooking utensils

to make these babies!

What??!!

You don't use a hammer to make cookies?

That's OK, I won't hold it against you.

I couldn't find toffee pieces in my grocery store.

The cashier told me they were seasonal.

I asked what season they would be available.

She told me

"In the Fall."

Oooooookay.

I didn't let that stop me because

I was on a serious cookie mission

and there are very few things that are as important

as being on a cookie mission.

At least that's what I told myself yesterday.

So I bought Heath bars and smashed them to bits.

This may wake your dog up off the couch

who will start barking at you

every time you hit the candy bars with your hammer.

BAM!

WOOF! WOOF!

SHUT UP!!

BAM!

WOOF WOOF!

SHUT UP!!

And so on.

It was worth it.

Once again I will not be posting the recipe.

Again, this is not a cooking blog.

Regardless of what Kris and Genn say.

They tell me that because I have cooking utensils

in my background that this is a cooking blog

and I should supply recipes.

I will say this once.

Those are not cooking utensils!

They are eating utensils!

I eat!

But I will go ahead and provide the link

to the recipe.

Because I'm nice like that.
You can find it here.
I love this site, she has wonderful
recipes and a great sense of humor.

While waiting for the cookies to bake
I decided to clean out my junk drawer.
I took pictures for you
because I wouldn't want you to miss out.

Before

Don't you have a shower cap in your
kitchen junk drawer?
See that screwdriver?
It's the only one my husband lets me use.
I hate it because it goes all bendy
and I don't know how to lock it into place.

I'm throwing all of these away.
I have no idea what they go to.
My husband doesn't know either
but he told me not to throw them away.
We haven't used them in a few years.
I'm throwing them away.
He's going to need one next week and
I will have to explain myself.
Or I will just get that look on my face and act like
I don't understand English.
I'm throwing them away.

I did a pretty good job of
cleaning out that drawer.
Can I get a high five?

After the cookie baking,
I went out and met Jo for lunch.
having lunch with Jo is one of my favorite things
to do in the whole wide world.

She came loaded with goodies
for my birthday.
Don't you love it when your
birthday lasts for an entire month?

Cute red dishtowels and cupcake holdery thingies.
Love them.
And then I pulled this out of the bag.

A vintage table cloth in near perfect condition.
Does this woman know me or what?
I love it!!
I love it more than cookies.
I love it more than throwing keys away.
I may love it more than Diet Coke.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Holly
xxx-ooo

Priceless Information Just for You

2011-10-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

There are many things that I learned

when I was photographing my home yesterday..

I will tell you these things

because I am now an expert

in home photography.

How to Do Your Own Home Tour

1) Clean your house as well as possible
      because people will notice the stain on your kitchen wall
      next to the trash can where you tried to get a
      3 point shot with that can of tomatoes.

2) Hoping to get one good photo, randomly start taking
     100's of pictures in every single mode your camera has
    including manual, automatic, TV, AV and A-Dep
     even though you have no idea what those mean.

3) Load the pictures onto your computer and then start to
edit them in Picasa/Picnik.

4) Delete the one where your dog is on the couch licking her
lady parts.

5) While editing the photo of your school desk,
notice something strange on the carpet in the photo.

6) Go into living room to check it out and notice
      that there is a pile of cat vomit laying there.
      And you took a picture of it.

7) Wonder if you can just crop the vomit
      out of the picture and carry on.

8) Clean up the cat vomit.

9) Wonder how long the vomit has been there.

10) Wonder if you should be mad at your husband
       since you're pretty sure he saw it and walked past it.

11) Take another picture of the desk without the vomit.

12) Post pictures on your blog making people think
       that your couch is not covered in dog hair
       and your carpet does not smell like cat vomit.

Home tours are an illusion.

No one lives in a clean house.

If they do, I don't want to know them.

Now, go and give it a try.

Holly

xxx-ooo

My Home Tour

2011-10-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

Are you as excited as I am?
Who doesn't love a home tour?

I love to take little peeks into blogger's homes.
They may be showing me a picture of a pie that they just made
but I am looking in the corner of the
picture at the cute little ceramic
cow that you have next to your sink.
I don't care to look at your pie, thank you.
Can you pan out a little so I can see
if you have tile or linoleum?

I don't care if you are a design pro
or if you live in an episode of hoarders.
I just want to see whatcha got goin on over there.

We blog for ourselves and for others.
We have blog friends who know us quite well.
We talk about childbirth
and the benefits of mustache waxing.
We talk about how our children are slowly trying to kill us.
But we rarely get to step into one anothers homes.
And that's a crying shame.
Because don't you think our homes say so much about us?

My home is nothing to write home about.
It's rather small but the size suits us.
There are many things we would change if we could
but we are moving in another year.

Just because you live a thousand miles away
doesn't mean you can't come into my home.

So, here we go:

Let's start in the living room.

If you look closely, you can see the dog's
squeaky chicken under the couch.
Princess Gizaboo is asleep on the back of the couch.
And are you wondering why my bicycle
is on the back patio?
I am too.

That coffee table has been in my family for years.
If you lay on the floor under the coffee table
and look up, you will see where a
four-year-old Holly wrote her name in crayon.

The sign above the TV says
"We Are Not Amused."
I like it.
That basket next to the entertainment center
is full of dog and cat toys.

I just recently bought this fall wreath
at Michael's.
I went with the intention of buying supplies
to make a wreath.
I saw this and didn't look back.

That is the most comfy red blanket in history
and one of us uses it every night
while watching TV.
That picture above the light switch was a birthday
gift to me this year from my sweet friend Laurie.
See the dirt around the door handle?
I wash that door once a week.
Which is more often than my husband
washes his hands.

This was my great grandmother Pearl's sewing machine.
The candle was a gift from Kris, Erika and Genn.

The pillows in the basket get used when
I lay on the floor to watch TV.
That bird.
See that bird?
My daughter moves it around the house
after I go to bed at night
just to irritate me.
I never know where I will find it.

I have not killed this plant yet.

Feel free to be impressed.

Let's take a quick look in the kitchen.

As kitchens go,
this one works for me.
Nothing special.
Formica.
Linoleum.
But I have a lot of counter space
with a good sized island.

Those cookies in the jar are my
thumbprint jam cookies from yesterday.
Let's talk about those for a moment,
Shall we?

No!

I did not eat 10 Thumbprint jam cookies Laraine and Laurie.
That would be just crazy.
I did not eat 9 cookies Genn and Beth.
I'm not a barbarian!

Deb guessed that I ate 20!!!

What's up with that!?
It's like she knows me.

I did eat 5 which is a totally respectable number of cookies

to eat when one is bored.
No one guessed 5.

No one gets 100 meaningless points
to spend in my imaginary gift shop.

This maple table is a thrift store find.
I love it.
The chairs are absolutely hideous.
Someone painted them with latex and
the paint is peeling.
I'm pretending that it's not doing that.

And this is where the magic happens.

If by magic you mean
the place where you clip your toenails
and watch reruns of "Mad About You"
before turning off the lights at 6:30 pm.
Then yes, this is where it happens.

And that's where I live.

I would love to see you do a post on your home.

Now, come see it in person.
I'll try to save you a cookie.

Holly
xxx-ooo

Let's Be Random

2011-10-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

There are many things I want

to cover today.

Please try to keep up

because I don't have time to repeat myself.

I've been caught twice in the past month

sniffing crayons in the school supply aisle at Walmart.

I open the boxes, I smell, I put them back.

No crime committed.

So why do people look at me all weird?

Some people stop to smell the roses,

I stop to smell the crayons.

It's a smell that brings me back to my childhood.

I have no plans to stop.

I've been in the mood to cook.

In the past two weeks I've made three pots of soup.

Cheesy Chicken Tortilla Soup

Chicken Noodle Soup

Chili

I make a huge pot and then freeze it in individual

serving sizes since I'm home every day and I eat lunch here.

I'm loving all of them.

Today I made the Chicken noodle soup.

It is delicious!

I'd love to give you the recipe but this isn't that kind of blog.

You know, a recipe cooking type blog.

It's a different kind of blog.

I'm not sure what kind.

Don't define me.

Let's keep moving here.

I'm not sleeping too well at night.

And for some reason my doctor is frowning on my

doing a couple shots of Nyquil every night.

I love Nyquil.

I love it to the moon and back.

I'm trying to use Sleepytime tea instead.

It's not nearly as much fun as the Nyquil.

I mean, I hardly feel drunk or disoriented at all.

How's a girl to fall asleep all sober like that?

I don't even think I drooled last night at all.

My husband took a picture of a hummingbird

sitting on our ceiling fan on our back patio.

This man does not read my blog

but would like me to post this picture

for your viewing pleasure.

Check out his mad camera skills.

I keep changing my header and blog template.

I think I like this one.

On another note,

every single pair of pants I own decided to shrink

at the same time.

So I am now expected to not only

give up my Nyquil but also to start

eating healthy and exercising.

Speaking of eating healthy,

I made these today.

Thumbprint Jam Cookies.

100 meaningless points to the person who

guesses correctly the number of these I ate today.

I guess that will do it for me today.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Dear Florida,

2011-09-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Sister Kelly's House in the Florida Keys:

I love you.

I have such fond memories of our time together.

Where has the time gone?

When will I see you again?

I miss your warm days, and your balmy nights.

Your strange ways.

Do you miss me?

Yo Kelly!

I miss you too.

Holly

xxx-ooo

It's Never Lonely

2011-09-29T03:01:00.000-07:00

You ever get the feeling you're being watched?

That wherever you go

And whatever you do

Someone is watching over you?

Or that someone needs a breath mint?

Holly

xxx-ooo

Making Me Smile

2011-09-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

Things that are making me smile today.

My new Journey Girl necklace from Becky

at FarmGirl Paints.

I love this girl.

I love her stories.

I love her heart.

And yes, I love her Etsy Shop.

My new delicious smelling candle

that Kris, Genn and Erika got me

that I may or may not have tried to lick.

And this wonderful pillow mist.

Says it will help me to relax and think clearly.

Well, I'm very relaxed.

This beautiful painting of a Chickadee

that I found in my mailbox when I got back

from California.

Laurie told me that Chickadees need to be in pairs.

I had only bought one.

She was so right!

A jar full of peanut M&M's because my husband

knows me and keeps them comin'.

Sharing a birthday weekend with this kid.

Happy Birthday Katie!

Holly

xxx-ooo

The Beauty of Listening

2011-09-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

I was so blessed to be able to attend

Blog Sugar 2011.

Blog Sugar is a Faith Centered Blogging Conference.

Put over 180 women who love the Lord in one room,

add cupcakes, flowers, flavored coffee, a photo booth

and plenty of time to mingle and you've got

yourself a seriously crazy, out of control, good time.

The women I met and listened to were amazing.

I was inspired

and lifted up

by the words that were spoken out of love

and experience.

It truly blessed my soul.

And I left feeling lighter

and happier than I have in years.

I came away with another view of this whole blogging thing.

I've always thought this blog was all about me.

Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's more about listening to my heart,

about what needs to be written.

About what stories I should be telling.

About what others might need from me.

I don't know.

But I'm listening now.

Blog Sugar helped to raise money for a charity called
"Love 146".

Love 146 fights against child sex slavery.
2 children are sold every 60 seconds.

Listen to that.

Two children are sold into sex slavery
every :60 seconds.

Please take a moment to watch this video.
It spoke to me
in a way that nothing has in quite some time.
And made me ask myself this question...

"Can I really be the same person after watching this?"
Can you?

Holly

xxx-ooo

California, I Miss you Bucketloads.

2011-09-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

It quite possibly could be

the best mini vacation I've ever taken.

I drove to Corona California

to meet up with Tammy, Kris, Genn, Erika, Deb and Linda.

Tammy and i found this waiting for us in the hotel

when we got there.

A basket full of goodies and left for us

by Kris, Erika and Genn.

Almond Champagne.

Chocolate covered almonds.

Soaps.

Shampoos.

Homemade dishcloths.

A wonderful blogging book.

It was a wonderful welcome.

Tammy and I stayed at the hotel together.

We are polar opposites.

Here is our room the morning after we woke up.

I make my bed.

Tammy....not so much.

But I love her to pieces.

Our first night there we were

invited to dinner with the entire Grover Family.

We were so glad to see that everyone was there

including kids and husbands.

Only Drew (Kris' son) was missing.

(Catch ya next time Drew!)

The weather was perfect and we sat outside.

Holly and Kris

Erika, Genn and Tammy.

I decided that meeting fellow bloggers is like

meeting people from a reality TV show where you watch

every single episode.

I knew so much about each of these women

before I even got my arms around them.

For me,

it was love at first sight.

It was like finding family.

It was like realizing you have sisters

that you never knew you had.

And I fell in love with them over the most amazing

cheese ball in history.

I cried a little when Kris took it away.

But then they brought

out more food.

Love Potion #9 Pizza

Gorgonzola with Cranberries.

Nuff Said.

The kids were just too darn cute.

Nothing says Welcome like a kid with a chicken.

There was so much chatter and food

that Genn popped her zipper

and her loving husband was more than happy

to give her a hand.

After eating we went inside to...
what else?
Eat some more.
Kris made a wonderful chocolate cake
and they had birthday presents for me.

I may or may not have tried to
eat my smelly good candle.

I love these women.
Each and every one.

And not just because they know how to
make an awesome Cheeseball.

Holly
xxx-ooo

Getting Old Ain't So Bad

2011-09-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

My birthday is on Sunday.

Feel free to send me presents.

I like presents.

Or maybe you can each do a You Tube

video of yourselves singing

Happy Birthday to me.

That would be awesome!!

I will be 46.

!!46!!

I'm too immature to be that old!

It's just not possible.

1 Year Old

Please note the Dumbo Cake

and the look of extreme jealousy on my sister's face.

3 Years Old

I think someone must have gotten

me up from my nap too early.

4 Years Old

Deliriously happy with my doll and the green shag rug.

I think that jumper is back in style.

5 Years Old

Have mastered the art of wearing a party dress with hair in

a chignon while partying in our garage.

6 Years Old

Rocking that side pony tail,

the knee socks and the huge lacy collar.

46 Years Old

It just keeps getting better and better.

I'll be heading to California on Saturday morning

and I'm not going to be checking in

so I'll catch up with everyone next week.

Have a great weekend!

Holly

xxx-ooo

Doctors, Soup and Cake

2011-09-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

I've been fighting this weird sinus thing

for the past couple months.

I thought it was just allergies at first.

And I've been fighting it with OTC meds.

I just don't like going to the doctor.

Then about two weeks ago it just got worse.

At night, I couldn't breathe.

And I couldn't sleep.

But still I didn't want to go to the doctor.

I tried just about everything out there.

And then I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I had big plans for this weekend and

I wanted to feel good.

So I went to the doctor.

Antibiotics

Steroids

Inhaler

Nasal Spray

Antihistamine

He said that my sinuses were so

swollen that he couldn't see anything and

had to do an xray of my head.

Is that weird?

Do people that have colds get their heads xrayed normally?

I think not.

He kind of yelled at me and said

that if a sinus infection is not treated

it can go to the brain.

Whatever.

Like I'm using that.

Chill out Doctor.

Thank God I didn't have an actual emergency.

So, I will be finished with all my meds

by Saturday which is awesome

because I'm going to be hanging out

with my Blog Buddies all weekend.

So then this morning I knew I needed soup.

Spicy Cheesy Chicken Soup.

It's truly delicious.

And chock full of veggies and chicken

and cheesiness

and spices that open my sinuses.

You can find the recipe here.

And her picture is so much prettier that I'll post it here.

So yummy and worth the effort!

Now, let's move on to cake.

Because everyone loves cake.

My husband has been craving my pumpkin cake

but I just haven't felt up to making a cake from

scratch lately.

When I was at the grocery today,

I saw something new in the baking aisle.

I figured I'd give it a try.

Duncan Hines Apple Caramel Cake.

I figured even I could find the time

and energy to make a boxed cake.

After mixing the batter and pouring it in a pan

you randomly spread some

caramel apple sauce on top

and bake.

I can tell you that it looks and smells really good.

Next time I would use a smaller pan than a 9x13.

It was a little thinner than I like.

I would love to tell you that it was delicious.

While it smelled great

I was unable to taste it because

I burnt my tongue

on my soup.

Because I am an extremely impatient soup eater.

Now off to do laundry

and dishes

and probably clean up the yard a little.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Care To Join Us?

2011-09-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a question for ya.

How bad does a girl

that lives in the desert

need a pair of flowered rain boots?

She needs them pretty darned bad

at this price.

I figure I can wear them once a year

when we go peach picking.

Also, we went out last weekend to look

at some of these.

We sold our RV a while back

and we are in need of large tent.

I've been in the mood to go glamping.

I've been camping,

it's ok.

I actually have a lot of fun but

I'm ready for something a little different.

A little cozier.

You've heard of glamping, right?

source

Glamorous Camping.

I could do this.

For days on end.

source

This weekend BlogSugar.

Next weekend.

Glamping.

Anyone care to join us?

Holly

xxx-ooo

Saturday Happenings

2011-09-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

Summer is playing a trick on me.

It wants me to think it's gone

but it's not.

We're supposed to be back up in

the triple digits all next week.

That's okay.

I'm enjoying a glimpse of fall right now.

The air is cool in the mornings.

The stores are selling sweaters and boots.

I see yellow and orange decor.

I'm pretending that I don't know it's all a trick.

Today I made PW's pot roast.

That Ree!

She never lets me down.

My husband loved this.

He gets a double dose of mashed potatoes with his.

Because I like him today.

And have you met this guy?

Well, he's a big fat liar.

He sits there all cute and tells you

that he will be 4 servings.

That he will last you through Tuesday.

He will not.

I repeat, he will not last but two days.

I'm going to forgive him though because

of his high deliciosity factor.

All other ice creams are dead to me now.

Have a great weekend.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Cooling off and Chickadees

2011-09-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's quite possible that

Autumn is approaching Arizona.

The temps dip down in the low 70's in the early mornings

and the days are now in the 90's

which is really quite lovely.

I've been doing a little more of this

And I made some homemade marinana

with lots of mushrooms and fresh basil

and froze it in batches.

I received a large envelope in the mail yesterday

and was thrilled to see it was from Laurie.

Laurie blogs over at "How My Time Flys".

Her story is amazing and so inspiring.

She is an extremely talented painter.

She finally got up the nerve to open her Etsy Shop

and I was very excited to be one of her first customers.

I've always loved her paintings of the Chickadees

so that's what I decided to get.

I just love it so much and am planning

on finding a frame for it today.

Visit her Etsy Shop and see

what she has to offer, if you get a chance.

Tell her Holly says "Hiya!"

Holly

xxx-ooo

Internet Fail

2011-09-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time with my computer.

For the past three days the Internet

has been a total Jackwad!

It won't let me post

and I can't comment.

I had things to say too.

So I am typing and saving,

typing and saving,

typing and saving.

Because I keep getting kicked off and

it will probably take me three days

to write this post.

In a week and a half I will be in California.

I'm going to go to Blog Sugar.

I'm going to be meeting up

with my niece Tammy in Corona

Tammy

and then spend a few days with Kris, Erika, and Genn.

Kris

Erika and Genn

We also hope to see Linda and Debbie.

I had a dream last night that Kris and I

were sitting in her kitchen eating and

Genn, Erika, and Tammy

were upstairs practicing their tap dancing.

The plaster starting coming off the ceiling

and falling into our soup.

I yelled upstairs,

"You Girls Stop it Right Now!

Don't Make me come up there!!!"

Yeah....weird.

I told a friend of mine

(a non-blogger)

that I was going to California to meet all

my blogging buddies.

She freaked out and told me that you were

all probably murderers and using someone

else's identity and were going to try to

lure me out there to kill me.

Don't do that okay?

I must go now and hit publish

before I get kicked off again.

I'm trying to read all your blogs.

I can't comment on most but I'm here.

And I love you all.

So don't try to kill me.

Pinky swear?

Holly

xxx-ooo

Lazy Weekend and Simple Mindedness

2011-09-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty simple.

and I'm okay with that.

It doesn't take much to keep me entertained.

This is what we will be doing this weekend.

And some of this.

And I baked this banana bread.

But it's not these things that I'm referring to

when I tell you that I'm simple.

I'm also simple-minded.

There are so many things

out there that I don't understand.

Like, how does this billboard sell more storage units?

And how does this ad sell more jeans?

Have a great weekend!

Holly

xxx-ooo

My Nomination for Best Commercial!

2011-09-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

Because we all know that getting our period is exactly like this!
She takes her 46 seconds to describe it perfectly.

Holly

xxx-ooo

I Have Anti-Disposophobia

2011-09-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

It's a real thing.

Look it up.

Go ahead.

I'll just wait here.

Actually, the anti part is probably not correct.

Disposophobia:

Also Known as Compulsive hoarding is the excessive acquisition

of possessions (and failure to use or discard them),

even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary.

Yeah.

I have the opposite of that.

I'm fascinated by the show "Hoarding: Buried Alive!"

Have you seen it?

I can't stop watching it even though I find it so upsetting.

I have every episode set to record on my DVR.

And my husband keeps deleting the shows.

I can't say I blame him.

I can't stand to be with myself after watching an episode.

Especially the ones about animal hoarding.

For some reason this show triggers a response in me

that my husband doesn't understand.

Immediately after watching an episode,

I go into super cleaning mode.

Everything needs to wiped down

or thrown away.

The refrigerator gets scrubbed inside and out.

My husband has taken to hiding the keys

to his workshop for fear I will dust

his wrenches.

He's afraid that I have these guys on

speed dial.

I can't help it.

Does this show freak anyone else out?

Holly

xxx-ooo

Let's Learn Together

2011-08-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, times, they are a changin'.
It's hard to keep up.

Do you find yourself thinking,
"What did she just say?"
"That makes no sense!"
"I don't get it."

It may be that you simply haven't spent
enough time studying the urban dictionary.

It's important to stay informed.
Even if it's only to know what our kids are saying about us.
I'll help you get started by showing you some of the new phrases
that have been recently added.

Text Purgatory
The time period one waits for a response to a flirtatious text.

Webtrovert
Someone who is a shy introvert in real life,
but turns into a full-on extroverted party animal
on Internet forums and social sites.

Curb Shame
Embarrassment at waiting on the curb obediently
as other pedestrians ignore the "don't walk" signal in the absence of traffic.

aarping
When an elderly person, such as yourself,
complains incessantly about nothing.

Caller VD
When your caller ID identifies someone
with whom you definitely don't want to talk,
and you avoid answering them like the plague

ProcrastinEating
The consumption of food undertaken to avoid
a dull or arduous task, irrespective of hunger levels or the time of day.

Cold Finger
Similar to cold shoulder, except a cold finger is done by
ignoring someone's text or facebook message--
usually when said person's comment is pointless or uncalled for.

Screen Saver
the blank expression that comes across a person’s face
when day dreaming.

Geriatric Bypass
The act of denying your actual age in order to give
others the impression that you are younger.

Peegret
The regret you experience when you leave home hastily
without relieving yourself.

Postmodem Depression
The feeling you get when you haven't had access to the internet
(i.e. facebook and twitter) for a long time, like several minutes.

Immaculate Congestion
When traffic is backed up for miles on a highway,
crawling along -- and then suddenly everyone returns
to normal high speeds without passing an
accident, stalled car, or road construction.

Moviegating
To follow any type of car for any period of time
to watch the tv inside of the car.

Let's all try to use some of these in our every day conversations.

Holly

xxx-ooo

What We're Looking For Wednesday

2011-08-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Catchy Title

Or Not

My friend Kris is looking to add

to a set of dishes she found.

She put this info on her blog

and I thought it was such a great idea

to get everyone involved.

I mean, who knows thrift shops

better than your fellow bloggers?

You just never know who might run into these.

I've also been looking for plates

to complete a set I found at Goodwill.

Kris and I are both looking for bird themed

dishes.

I figured it can't hurt to send word out

and see if anyone has seen these anywhere.

If you live in the Phoenix, Arizona area

or in the Corona, California area

and have seen any of the dishes that are

pictured below, please let me know.

Here's the set that I'm looking for:

Kris lives in the Corona area in California.

She's looking for these:

I will be heading to California to see Kris

next month so if you live in the Phoenix area or

Corona area, let us know and we can

go grab either set.

Also, let me know if you're looking

for anything in particular and I'll post it

on my blog.

This could be fun.

Or it could be a big pain.

We shall see.

addendum: I just realized that today is Tuesday.

I'm leaving it.

Holly

xxx-ooo

The Post Where Bev Puts Her Toe In The Water But Doesn't Get Wet

2011-08-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Remember my Blurry Friend Bev?

The one from yesterdays post?

Yup, that's her.

I've been telling her for months that she needs her own blog.

And she's been refusing.

She's been CANTANKEROUS.

can·tan·ker·ous/kanˈtaNGkərəs/

Adjective: Bad-tempered, argumentative, and uncooperative.

Ok, maybe not Bad-tempered but definately uncooperative.

So I figured it might be a good idea to have her guest post on my blog

so she can see what the deal-ee-o is all about.

I would like to say that I do not agree

with her account of the email conversation

that she claims we had.

She makes me sound completely controlling.

I KNOW!

Hard to believe, even though Jan

called me Miss Bossy Socks in the comments yesterday.

So, Bev did a guest post for me.

And here it is:

A few months ago, when Holly and I “met”,

she told me to start a blog.

I gave her a whole list of reasons why that isn’t a good idea -thought that was the end of it.

Evidently I underestimated her determination because

yesterday I clicked on her blog and found my picture and her version of the truth.

And then you nice people completely overwhelmed me
with the kindest (and funniest) words ever.
Holly sent me a note last night telling me that if I’m not going to blog,
then it was up to me to explain it to you wonderful people
who had taken time out of your day to encourage me,
because she is washing her hands of the whole affair.

She also said that I should include pictures in my explanation,
otherwise blog posts are boring.
And she has standards.
But I’m no photographer (also on my list of reasons I can’t blog),
so I’ll just include pictures I’ve saved of stuff I want from Pottery Barn.

So…here goes…written in Holly-style formatting…

Why I can’t blog. Reason #1:

I FOLLOW quite a few blogs.
In fact, I may have a serious addiction to decorating blogs.
I used to FOLLOW many more than I do now.

Several months ago I noticed a disturbing trend in a few of these blogs.
People who probably wouldn’t even open the door to a stranger,
were having major, life-changing, hormonal breakdowns on their blogs.
Sometimes with hundreds of followers along for the ride.
I’m not talking about a bad day or a bad week here and there.
But day after day and week after week of telling all their business.

In detail.

Naming names.

Filters had left the building, y’all.

One week they were demonstrating chalk paint methods
and decoupage in their picture-perfect homes
and the next week we hear that their husband
is a low-life, scumbucket s.o.b. who never appreciated
a single thing they ever did even after I bore his enormous children
and I should have known better because
I’ve always thought his eyes were too close together
and what did I expect after I met that cold controlling witch
who called herself his mother and last night I dreamed
that I was flying away on a cloud and he and his
whole trashy falling-down-drunk family
were stranded on a desert island and I was blah blah blah blah

Oh my word.

Somewhere around the third day of this,
the tone of their posts would change.
Instead of focusing on the low-life scumbucket, you, the follower, became the focus:

“You’re going to leave me – my followers!
This is too much! You’re all going to leave me just like everyone else.
I just know that’s what you’re thinking. I just know it!”

Although I hadn’t been thinking that, now it’s all I can think about.

It’s just like that situation with the boyfriend in the 11th grade all over again.

The one you found out too late was needy and had no self-confidence.

Who took everything as a sign you were about to break up with him.

“Just like every girlfriend before you”, he would whine.

For the first dozen or so times he brought it up, you sweetly reassured him.

Eventually you started wondering if he didn’t have something there.

And then you started trying to figure out

exactly when you could gnaw your arm off to get out of the trap.

And you felt really bad about it, because he gave you that cool 8-track player for Christmas.

Or a kidney.

But you did it anyway. And you still feel like crap about it.

So for days, my finger would hover over the UNFOLLOW button
until one day I could resist no longer.

It’s the 11th grade all over again.

So how does this relate to anything? I’ll tell you how.

Filters. And hormones.

Or lack of both in my case.

Make me afraid to blog.

Suppose I start a blog and then I end up in the midst
of one of those downward emotional spirals that happen to all of us?
I mean, who hasn’t told too much of their business to
50 or 75 of their closest friends at one time or another?
You know.
Like telling about the time your brand new husband
“forgot” Valentine’s Day,
then panicked at the last minute and ran out
at 7:00 p.m. and bought you a waffle iron for crying out loud?

That time.

(totally fictitious example)

But this blogging stuff is a whole different ball of wax
than sobbing uncontrollably on the shoulders of your girlfriends
and the stranger in the waiting room at the oil change place.

Suppose I started a blog and that totally fictitious situation
happened right after I just got my 999th follower
and Pottery Barn had just signed on as my sponsor?

And suddenly instead of giving you tutorials
on how to make completely useless non-absorbent linen dish towels,
I’m giving my family all the evidence
they’ll need for my (in)competency hearing …
documented in my very own words on a blog.

Lack of filters, lack of hormones and a public forum. A really bad combo.

And this is just one of the reasons I can’t start a blog.

Bev

I Should Make You Sign a Waiver

2011-08-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

I should make you sign a waiver

because when you see this

you could die from the cuteness!

And if that doesn't do it,

you could die from the disappointment.

I have a stalker.

I know, you're jealous right?

Bev has been blog stalking me for quite some time.

And we email back and forth.

I've been calling her Gladys Kravitz

and she calls me Samantha.

And she is hilarious.

She doesn't look like that though.

She looks like this:

But in real life, she's probably not this blurry.

But I've never met her so I can't be sure.

I took this pic from her Blogger profile.

But from looking at this picture you can tell that

1) She reads books

2) She plays the piano

3) She only wears black slacks

4) She weaves giant rugs

Actually I have no idea if any of that is true.

Just work with me here, people.

Anyway, I received a package from her in the mail today.

Look what she made for me.

Ready to die from the cuteness of it all?

Tea Towels!

Or as Bev calls them,

Completely useless non-absorbent towels.

Click on the images to see them up enlarged.

Look Closer:

Embroidered in Aqua and Red!

My two favorite colors.

I am in love with these.

I would marry them if I could.

Shoot, I would even marry Bev if I could.

***Awkward Pause***

So, did the cuteness kill ya?

Here's the disappointment.

Bev does not have a blog.

I know, right???!!

I've been trying to convince her to get started

and join the ranks.

But she's holding out on us.

So, what I am asking you to do is,

if you leave a comment on this post,

can you write it for Bev.

And tell her she needs to start a blog?

And an Etsy shop?

Because, really, who wouldn't buy one of these?

Or two?

Doesn't every blogger need a completely useless

non-absorbent tea towel with your name on it?

I know I did.

Gladys,

You are awesome!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!

Sam

xxx-ooo

The Post Where I Sing You a Lullaby and Almost Die.

2011-08-25T02:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday I posted about
how I may never become a Grandmother.

Remember?

I didn't tell you the whole story.

The story about my lunch with Daniel was true

but I didn't explain why my daughter
does not want to be a mother.

It's not that she doesn't like children.

She does.

The fact is, she decided years ago

that she would never do to a child what I did to her.

We have a family tradition here.

There is a lullaby that is sung to the babies in this family.

I sang it to my children.

My grandmother used to sing it to me.

Her grandmother sang it to her.

We lovingly refer to it as "The Dead Baby Song."

And it's meant to be soothing.

And it always puts the babies right to sleep.

I have no idea the origin of this song.

Or why someone thought it would be
a good idea to sing this to a child.

But tradition is tradition.

And so we sing.

I was going to just write the words down for you

but then I decided that I would try to sing it for you on my webcam.

Because I don't have a fancy video recorder.

Here is the debut of the first ever video blog post

where I wow you all with my amazing video skills

and you can see how natural I am in front of the camera.

Son of a Biscuit Eater!

Did you see that??!!

I just choked on my own spit

and almost died.

Thank you to all of you who stopped immediately to pray for me.

Those of you who laughed should

pray now because you're

probably going to hell.

Let's try that again, shall we?

So there ya have it.
Do I deserve to be a grandmother
or not?

Am I being cruel and unusual?

Holly
xxx-ooo

Why I Need to Learn to Knit Booties.

2011-08-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

My Dear Darling Daughter, Katie,
has always said that she never wants children.
She doesn’t want to be a mother.
Ever.

That alone isn’t the real tragedy.
The tragedy lies in the fact that I fear
that I may never become a grandmother.
Because, really, isn’t this about me?

Did you hear me??
I may never become a grandmother!
No one will ever call me Meemaw!
It’s just tragic.
And too sad for words.

So of course, as I always do
when I'm faced with the possibilityof one door closing,
I look around for the next one to kick down.

And I met my son for lunch yesterday.

Immediately after receiving my salad I started in.

Me: “Do you think you’ll ever have kids?”

Dan: “Sure.”

Me: “Really??!! You plan on having children?”

Dan: “Well, yeah. After I get married and turn 30.”

Then I get all nonchalanty-like.
Like it’s no big deal.
Like the rest of my life doesn’t depend on this conversation.

Me: “Oh, that’s nice.”

And then I go one step too far.

Me: “So, can I name your first child?”

Dan: “Only if it’s a girl.”

Me: “Why only if it’s a girl?”

Dan: “Because I have my son’s name picked out already.”

Seriously, how sweet is that?
My son has actually given this some thought.
He has lovingly pictured this child in his mind.
And chosen a name for my grandson.
I want to pull out my scissors and take
a lock of his hair and paste it in a book
so that I'll remember this moment forever.

Me: “So, what are you going to name your son?’

Dan: “Optimus Prime.”

And you know what?
There are worse things in the world
than being called Opie.
I hear Ron Howard is doing just fine.

Holly

xxx-ooo

I Joined A Gym Once

2011-08-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter is at the gym right now.
Trying to get her size 2 body into shape.
Yes, she has really let herself go.

I just went out and bought a swimsuit
that was on clearance.
And that got me thinking
about the time I joined a gym.

My children were still young and I was a stay at home mom.
I still carried that baby fat and decided
that I could kill two birds with one stone.

I could lose some weight and get in some "me" time.
I would go after my husband got home from work.

I signed a two year contract,
for $29.99 a month.
Yes, young people,
you had to sign contracts then.

I got my fitness assessment by someone that could
only have been named Candy, or Barbie, or something else
with an ee sounding name.

Had my BMI measured with the pinchy things - 97%
or something equally as humiliating.
And then on to my training.
Where I ran, and stretched, and sweat, and cried.

If we're going to be friends,
you should know this about me.

(Dad, stop reading now!)

I hate to sweat and will only do so voluntarily,
for sex.
And sometimes not even then.

So, after that first session, I was pretty miserable.
Until I walked past the Smoothie Bar.
A SMOOTHIE BAR!
I could totally be a gym person!

You had never met a more dedicated gym goer.
I would pack my gym bag with
a good book, and my swim suit.

I would sit in the Jacuzzi for 30 minutes and then sit
and read my book
while drinking a smoothie.
And enjoy the cool frostiness without any children
begging for anything.

The Smoothies were $4.95 each.
I went 4 days a week.

Including my gym membership,
I spent $110.00 a month
to gain 15 lbs.

And that's why I don't work out anymore.
And why the swim suit I just bought has a skirt on it.

Holly

xxx-ooo

One of Life's Best Lessons

2011-08-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

I once had a bowl

of two week old macaroni and cheese under my bed,

a bird's nest with an unhatched smelly brown egg in my closet,

and enough Snicker's wrappers in my underwear drawer

to wallpaper my bedroom.

And I didn't care who knew it.

That was who I was at the age of 13.

Just ask my Dad.

I don't remember anything significant in my life

that changed me from Grody Girl to OCD Lady.

I just know that at some point, I liked a clean house.

I liked my floors clean.

And my bathrooms spotless.

I would spend hours each day cleaning,

waiting for someone to make toast so I could wipe up the crumbs.

Vacuuming my carpet over and over again,

and making sure the vacuum lines made a pretty pattern on my floor.

There were nights that I couldn't fall asleep knowing

that the dishwasher needed to be unloaded.

The thought of entertaining would throw me into a tailspin.
Sleepless nights prior to people arriving.
Worry.
Worry some more.
Everything had to be perfect.

And then something happened.

I went to Indiana to visit a friend I hadn't seen in several years.
Her home was beautiful.
But it was much more than that.
It was homey, and comfortable, and slightly messy.
There were a few dishes in the sink.
She was in the middle of folding laundry in the living room
when I got there.

Nothing was pristine,
yet it was just so perfect.
She didn't apologize for the mess.
She ignored it and paid attention to me.

Instead of feeling like I'd made some grand arrival as a house guest
it felt more like she was my next door neighbor.
The kind of house where you walk in through the back door
without knocking.
And help yourself to something in the fridge.

And everything changed for me then.
I still like a clean house,
always will,
but my house is now comfortably messy.
I don't worry about it any more.

I'm comfortable with people coming over without calling first.
I'm fine with people seeing how we really live.
We're messy at times.
It just doesn't matter.
Truly, it doesn't matter.

If you want to come to my house,
just come.

I may run the dust mop over the kitchen floor,
I may wipe the dog hair off the couch,
and I'll definately make sure there are
no short curlies on the toilet seat.

Other than that, what ya see is what ya get.
And isn't that refreshing?

Holly

xxx-ooo

To Tell the Tooth

2011-08-20T04:26:00.000-07:00

This is a true story.

Possibly the truest story ever told.

My son is now all grown up

but when he was a little ~~snot goblin~~ child

he always did the strangest things.
For no apparent reason
other than to see me freak out.

One day I got a call from his preschool teacher

that I needed to come and pick Daniel up

because he had fallen and cut his lip.

When I got to the school

he was sitting there with an ice bag on his face.

And his shirt was covered in blood.

I asked him what had happened

and he said that he fell on the sidewalk

and his tooth cut his lip.

"Let me see", I said pulling the ice away.

The lip was bloody and swollen

but didn't look too bad.

I looked inside his mouth and his front teeth

had obviously been hit pretty hard

because they were starting to turn black.

I got him into the car

and rushed to the dentist.

I asked him several times on the way

if his teeth were hurting.

He said no, they weren't.

I got to the dentist

and told the receptionist that we needed

to see the dentist immediately.

She asked if we had an appointment because

they were extremely busy that day.

I told her we did not but that it

was an emergency.

I showed her Daniel's teeth and she

asked him if his teeth hurt.

He told her that they did not.

She then went back to get the dentist.

When the dentist finally got in to see him,

he wasn't very happy that he had to

arrange his schedule to accommodate my child,

which ticked me off.

This was a flipping emergency!

He looked at his blackened teeth
and said, "Ouch, that looks like it hurts!"

Daniel told him that no, it didn't hurt.

The dentist left the room saying something about

getting some xrays.

I sat alone with my poor baby boy

still wearing his bloody shirt.

I told Daniel,

"I don't know why your teeth don't hurt.

They're turning black."

Daniel smiled at me and said,

"I colored 'em wif a pencil."

"WHAT!!!"

"I colored 'em wif a pencil when I got to school."

We left under the pretense of

being upset with the entire staff, stating,

"We'll find a dentist who cares!"

as I pulled Daniel out the door.

And then I called the insurance company

and changed our dentist.

The End

Holly

xxx-ooo

Still Not Martha

2011-08-19T03:05:00.000-07:00

I went to Dollar Tree yesterday because I needed

poster board for my garage sale signs.

While I was there I looked around at

the new school supplies.

I found this magnetic holder

that was designed to put inside a locker.

The back has two pretty strong magnets.

I used some scrapbook paper and ribbon

to pretty it up.

And now I have it hung

on the side of my refrigerator.

It holds my notebook and pen

for my grocery lists.

Still not Martha.

But I like it just fine for $1.00!

I'm linking up to

Friday Favorite Things at Finding Joy.

And

Flaunt it Friday

And

Sew Darn Crafty

And

The Sunday Showcase

At Under the Table and Dreaming.

You should too!

Holly

xxx-xxx

Well Grassy-Ass to You Fella!

2011-08-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

An unsuspecting redhead (UR)

emerged from the corner Circle K

with the obligatory Diet Coke

into the blinding hot Arizona sun.

Up walks a tall Hispanic male (HM)

with a pony tail and a tattoo of a tiger on his neck.

He hands her a CD before she can utter a word.

On the cover is a picture of an old tennis shoe

laying on a gravel road.

HM: Dees is a CD of my freends band.

Day jes won choo to leesen to dare music.

UR: (trying to hand back the CD) um, no, but thanks.

HM: But ees free!

UR: I only really listen to Country music but thanks.

HM: Its has two Country songs een it.

UR: Oh, well, okay, thanks.

HM: We jees wan a $5 donation.

UR: (trying once again to hand back the CD)

Really, you can take it back. I won’t listen to it.

HM: But they is reeel good.

UR: How about a dollar?

HM: Ok, you leesen to it tonight.

She gave him a dollar

and jumped into the Jeep and locked the door.

Turned the CD player on and popped it in.

There were about three beats of music

then just some scratching noises.

The man was standing next to another car

talking to someone else.

She got out and walked up to him.

UR: Um, this doesn’t work.

HM: Choo got a receipt?

UR: Why did you give me a CD?

Why didn't you just ask for money?

HM: Hey Lady, I'm a beesnus man.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Yellow Thunder and Clutter Busters

2011-08-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

At about 5:30 last night

there was a deafening roar above our house.

A helicopter hovered about 15 feet above our roof

for 10 minutes.
Yellow Thunder.

And then landed in the parking lot behind our home.

The parking lot belongs to a Senior Recreation Center.

We like not having neighbors behind us.

It's always quiet back there.

Old people are pretty low-key.

They sat there for about 5 minutes.

And then took off again.

I have no idea what was going on back there.

But they headed straight

for a major trauma center.

Scary stuff Maynard.

Subject Change:

I've been going through my house

and sorting through what I can get rid of.

It's ridiculous the amount of stuff we have.

I'm not a hoarder.

Not by a long shot.

I don't need a lot of stuff,

but it does tend to accumulate.

Our plans are to move in one year,

so I'm getting a head start.

I want to live more simply.

I'm considering getting rid of most

of my scrapbooking materials.

They take up so much room.

I think I'll either try to sell it on Craigslist

or have a garage sale.

Crazy, Right?

That's not even a quarter of it.

I also have lamps,

and Fiestaware Dishes,

kitchen goods,

clothes,

Just too much stuff.

I'm hoping to buy a much smaller home.

It will be just the two of us.

We only need two bedrooms.

I'm tired of cleaning this one.

We are wanting to simplify our lives

and buy cheap and get it paid off before we retire.

When I say we, I mean me.

Brian still has the wants.

"I want that!"

Ninety percent of the stuff in the

attic is his.

And it hasn't been used in two years.

But he believes he still needs

every single thing up there.

What do I know?

Maybe he does.

But I have my doubts.

I want to live in one of these

teeny tiny houses.

Photos from here.

But have you seen my husband?

The rather large truck driver dude?

He's like a happy buffalo.

Walking through the house and

bouncing off the walls.

Those houses probably wouldn't work

for us.

But I'm still on a mission to

get back to the basics.

Room by Room.

Closet by Closet.

Drawer by Drawer.

It's gotta go.

And that's all I have for today.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Drop the Phone and Eat This!

2011-08-13T04:50:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmmmm.

That's a weird title.

What in the slim slam could this post possibly be about?

Why, Pizza, of course.

Durr.

My husband is a die-hard Pizza Hut fan.

Me?

Not so much.
I prefer just about any other pizza to that.
But 99% of the time, we order Pizza Hut.
Because I love him.

He wanted to call The Hut and order his usual.

Actually, he wanted me to place the call.

My husband doesn't place phone calls.

Ever.

Seriously, like never!

And he hates to answer his phone.
If his phone rings and I hand it to him
he swats at it as if it carried a virus that would
render him impotent.
He doesn't use his phone,

unless it's to call me from work to say that he loves me.

Awwwwww.

But let's not start liking the man right now.

Cuz he's kinda irritating when I refuse to call

The Hut for him.

I decided to make homemade pizza.

In a cast iron skillet.

Like granny did.

In the olden days.

Except it wasn't pizza then.

It was fried chicken.

And we didn't call her granny,

we called her grandma.

Otherwise, it was just like that.

(It's important to make a floury mess)

So I decided to make a iron skillet pizza instead
of calling for delivery.
Because I'm the dinner planner.
And I make these decisions.
And then he pouted a little.

(Use your seasonally inappropriate towel to cover the dough)

I made the pizza using the recipe

from Mommy's Kitchen.

All the while,

the husband is stewing in front of the tv.
And I'm happily humming in the kitchen.

I made it with pepperoni and pineapple
to make my man happy.

And then we had family game night with my daughter.

(Don't look too close, we may have cheated a little)

It turned out to be a great Friday night.
Even though Pizza Hut was never called.
Who would have thought that was possible?

Holly
xxx-ooo

My Attempt to Redeem Myself

2011-08-12T03:08:00.000-07:00

After yesterday's major craft fail

I really felt that I needed to get back on the horse.

I needed to try to do something crafty.

My dad sent me an email telling me that

he finds the "Try, try again advice highly overrated."

God Bless him.

I'm putting the office chair fiasco of 2011 behind me.

And I'm forging on.

I needed to find something that I couldn't fail at.

So I Googled

Crafts for Kindergartners.

Oh yes I did.

I have to have the ability of a 6 year old.

Right?

And I was always really good at coloring.

I kinda majored in coloring at Maple Crest Elementary.

I even won a coloring contest once.

I think it was of a picture of Paul Revere.

Or Betsy Ross.

Or of a flag.

I don't really remember.

But I think my Dad still has the newspaper article.

It was kind of a big deal.

I won money and everything.

Maybe $50.

Or $10.

But I won.

I don't really want to brag.

So....

Google led me to this blog post.

I knew it was right up my alley.

I had food coloring.

I had corn syrup.

I had paper.
I had my blunt end scissors.

I was good to go.

And here she is......

It looks wet but it's dry.

It's all shiny.

And it's just as good as any 6 year old would do.

Unless you happen to be the 6 year old

that painted this one.

Then it's really not all that good after all.

But this isn't a contest.

Because if it were,

well, you know.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Birthday and Craft Fail

2011-08-11T01:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Jo!!!

Had a great day with Jo-Be-Doh yesterday.

We met a an Italian restaurant.

I ate 6 loaves of bread and she had a salad.

Typical.

We then shared a kitchen sponge with cinnamon.

They called it bread pudding.

And our waitress was AWOL.

Which irritated Jo to no end.

It was fun to watch.

We then went to see the movie "The Help".

We had both read the book

so it was fun to watch together.

Go see Jo and tell her Happy Birthday.

And tell her she has nice thighs.

And tell her Gomer says "Hey".

So, I suppose you're all still hangin around

to see that craft fail, huh?

You're all sickos.

Wanting to feel better about yourselves

because of my inadequacies.

No problem.

That's what I'm here for.

So, I have this office chair.

It kinda sorta looked like this.

Except imagine that your cat had used it

as a scratching post for the past three years.

You got that picture in your head?

You are thinking that I couldn't possibly have

made it look any worse.

Right?

That's what I thought too.

Well,

I took a vintage sheet and covered it.

And stapled it.

Yes, you heard me right.

I STAPLED IT!

With a stapler.

Because that's what I had.

And now you're thinking,

"Oh, that's not so bad, Holly is so melodramatic!"

See how I knew what you were thinking?

Let's just take a looksee at the back.

There was just too much fabric and

I couldn't get it fold under without

bunching up and it was a mess.

And I was tired.

And I was frustrated.

So I cut the fabric straight up the back

and just tied it in a bow.

See?

Oh, the Shame!

If one person tells me,

"It's not so bad."

I'll send the dadblame thing to you C.O.D.,

I swear I will!

Holly

xxx-ooo

If You've Got Nothing Nice to Say, Blog Anyway.

2011-08-10T04:53:00.000-07:00

I know, I know.

It's been almost a week since posting.

Bad Blogger!!

Did you know I'm having a love affair with Nyquil?

No, I don't have a cold.

I just love a good nights sleep so every couple of nights I take a shot.

I would marry Nyquil if I could.

That had nothing to do with anything.

I will be sharing a major craft fail with you soon.

I had such good intentions.

Don't you just love a good craft fail?

I know I do.

I will soon show you how I flubbed up my office chair.

By trying to recover it.

Did you know that tomorrow is Jo's birthday?

Today we are heading out for lunch and a movie.

And we will behave ourselves.

And act like perfect ladies.

Probably.

Last night for dinner I ate macaroni and cheese

and Milk Duds.

I think I could live on Milk Duds.

And Nyquil.

If my sister were dead

she'd be rolling over in her grave right now.

I don't think she knows what a Milk Dud is.

No, Kelly, they aren't organic.

I would look like my sister if I'd never met the Milk Dud.

But alas, I do not.

For I have a love of all things chocolatey, and caramely.

Do you think my sister will be upset that I stole that

picture from Facebook and posted it on my blog?

So, that's what's going on around here.

Holly

xxx-ooo

How To Garden in Arizona

2011-08-04T01:14:00.000-07:00

It's really not all that hard.

I shall show you.

And tell you.

And you will learn.

And you may partake of my wisdom.

1) Plant flowers in pots with plenty of yummy,
nutrient rich potting soil.
2) Use Miracle Grow once every two months.
3) Water shaded flowers once a day.
4) Flowers in the full sun need to be watered
once in the morning and once at night.
5) Sit back and bask in the fruits of your labor.

Feel free to contact me for any advice

regarding your gardening needs.

Holly

xxx-ooo

A Day in My Life

2011-08-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

My Day at a Glance:

I ate more dough,

than I ate cookies

She brought me two of these today.

Organized my spice cabinet

Played with photos.

Yelled at this one for eating logs out of the litter box.

All in all, it was a pretty normal day.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Don't Skip Any Of These Steps

2011-08-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

After watching an episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,

Brian decided he needed Pulled Pork sandwiches.

What’s a wife to do except please her hungry man?

You'll want to start this the day before you actually want to cook it.

STEP 1

Start with a pork shoulder or butt.

(Butt…..hee hee)

I don’t trim the fat, it adds flavor as it cooks and I pull it out later.

I don’t care what size you buy.

As long as it fits in your crock pot.

Or Crock pock as my kids used to call it.

STEP 2

Mix up your dry rub.

You can use anything you want in your rub.

I don't measure.

I use a ziplock bag to mix it up.

I threw in about a half a cup of brown sugar

and then just added

Cayenne

Chili powder

onion powder

garlic powder

oregano

paprika

salt and pepper

Mix it up and then rub it all over your meat.

Wrap the whole thing in plastic wrap and keep in the fridge overnight.

STEP 3

In the morning, pull it out and throw it in the crock pock.

I use the crock pock liners.

STEP 4

Now whisk together a cup of root beer

and about a half a cup of your favorite BBQ sauce.

And pour it over the butt.

(Butt...hee hee)

Spill a little on the counter for good luck.

Dribble some on the floor for the dog.

Set it on low and leave it alone for 8 hours.

STEP 5

Go to the refrigerator and eat that

last piece of rhubarb pie right out of the pan

with a spoon.

STEP 6

Take a shower.

STEP 7

Drink a Diet Coke.

STEP 8

Play with Picasa for about an hour.

STEP 9

Think about what you're gonna tell your husband

about his piece of pie you ate.
Decide you don't care cuz it was really good.

STEP 10

Go outside and water your flowers

STEP 11

Play with a Vampire Kitten

STEP 12

Drink a Diet Coke.

STEP 13

On your way to the bank,

stop and pick up two vintage chairs that a

neighbor has placed on their curb with a

"FREE" sign.

STEP 14

After wating 8 hours, pull the roast out of the crock pock

and shred with a fork. Remove the liquid and any fat and put

the meat back in the crock pot with more BBQ sauce and keep

warm until ready to serve.

STEP 15

When ready to serve, put on a yummy bun and

serve with homemade cole slaw on top.

Pulled Pork Sandwiches in 15 easy steps.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Losing It.

2011-07-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

In the past few years,

I’ve lost parts of myself.

Little by little,

I’m being whittled away.

I’ve lost my gallbladder.

My wisdom teeth.

My uterus.

I’ve had parts of my cervix sliced out.

I’ve had skin biopsies.

And just last week I had a mole removed from my face.

Wack-A-Mole

I think this is why we all become “little old ladies”.

Of course we are little when we’re old!

Many of our parts have been taken from us.

We’re like zombies,

Parts falling off.

And still we continue on.

While sleeping, my body parts have held a meeting

and decided that my hearing will be the next thing to go.

I’ve already lost a lot of my memory,

my eyesight is not what it used to be,

and now my hearing has decided to follow suit.

A while back, my dear, sweet husband stated,

“We’ll go to Target in a little bit.”

What I heard was,

“You’re a retarded little bitch.”

He's still alive.

Holly

xxx-ooo

Gators and Pie

2011-07-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

Found this in my House.

Super excited about that.

Did you know that Arizona is a stupid place to live?

It is.

We got gators.

What does one do when she finds a gator in the house?

She bakes pie.

Totally unrelated.

Messy pie.

I'm not very good at crimping my edges.

It's one of my many flaws.

Get over it.

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

Pastry

2 cups all-purpose flour
½ tsp salt
6 Tbsp each cold butter, cut in small pieces, and trans-fat-free shortening
1 Tbsp lemon juice
2 to 4 Tbsp cold water

Filling
1¼ lb rhubarb, trimmed and cut into ½-in. slices
1 container (16 oz) strawberries, hulled and halved
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup sugar
¼ cup cornstarch
1 tsp ground ginger
1 Tbsp butter, cut in small pieces
1½ Tbsp sugar

1. Pastry: In food processor, pulse flour, salt, butter and shortening until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. With motor running, add lemon juice, then water, 1 Tbsp at a time, just until dough separates from sides of bowl.

2. Gather dough into a ball and divide in half. Press each half into a disk. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate 1 hour or until firm enough to roll out.

3. Place a sheet of foil on a rimmed baking pan on bottom rack to catch any juices. Heat oven to 425°F. Coat a 9-in. pie plate with nonstick spray.

4. Roll out 1 dough disk on lightly floured surface or between 2 sheets of wax paper to a 12-in. circle. Fit dough into pie plate, pressing gently onto bottom and up sides. Roll out remaining disk as above into an 11-in. circle.

5. Filling: Toss rhubarb and strawberries with vanilla in large bowl. Mix sugar, cornstarch and ginger in a small bowl until blended; toss with berry mixture to evenly coat. Spoon into pastry-lined pie plate; dot with butter.

6. Arrange second crust onto the filling and cut vents into crust. Press ends into edge, fold under and crimp. Brush strips with water; sprinkle with sugar.

7. Place pie on center oven rack; bake 25 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350°F, rotate pie 180 degrees and bake 50 minutes more (loosely shield pie with foil if crust gets too brown) until crust is golden and filling bubbles. Cool on wire rack. Serve at room temperature

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